Advanced Modules, Men Talk

[MT #8] How to Attract and Keep an Alpha Male

4 Comments 10 December 2011


The first order of business in the attraction of an alpha male is to understand what an “alpha male” actually is.

Common belief will tell you that the loud obnoxious guy, who is making fun of his friends and being the center of attention is the “alpha male” of a group.


The alpha does not need to gain attention through loud gestures and ridiculous behavior, he already has the attention of those he wants the attention of and does not need to create a scene. If he wants your attention he will come and get it, not in an arrogant way, in a way which will make you want to be around him, he is comfortable with who he and in any social situation.

In fact I will go as far as to say that the things that most people perceive to be alpha male traits are in fact beta traits. The distinction can be very hard to make and a lot of beta males can seem alpha to the untrained eye.

How to Tell An Alpha From a Beta

  1. An alpha male will take the initiative.
    If he wants to do something he will go and do it. A beta male will follow other peoples ideas, he may seem like he is leading the group but he is acting upon somebody else’s idea.
  2. Reaction to your presence.
    Alpha males will be fairly non-reactive to your presence; he will need you to win him over in order for you to have some of his very valuable time. In essence he will make you react to him. A beta male will completely react to you being in his vicinity. He will be loud and try to gain your attention through indirect means. Women’s attraction recognition neurons fire when they are reactive to a guy, a man of initiative, whereas women’s attraction recognition neurons lay dormant when they are with a guy who reacts to them.
  3. Alpha males do not shy away from conflict, yet they also do not start one.
    He will stick up to his own beliefs , will defend his group (after all he is the leader) against outside threats. The beta male will tend to either shy away from conflict or start them. He will often undermine alpha when the opportunity arises.

Basically, an alpha male is the guy that you find yourself attracted to and cannot describe why, evolutionary speaking attraction is a recognition skill, not an explanation skill, this means that women can tell who they are attracted to but not why they are attracted to them. Which is why the whole “bad boy” or the “I keep dating assholes” dilemma’s occur.

Now, How Do You Attract Him?

This is not all that difficult; it is a simple case of challenging him, being the alpha female, having a lot of social value and adding something to your interaction with him.

As much as we all hate playing games, you have to use the tools at your disposal if you want to get what you want, in this case, an alpha male. One game I want to utilize is called “being the prize”. Your general alpha male will have a lot of women craving his attention. He gets a lot of it and as such enjoys getting it.

There are 3 steps to this game:

  1. Give him some attention.
  2. Stop giving him attention.
  3. When he comes to regain your attention, make him work for it.

So it’s gonna go something like this:

You – Oh hey Mr Alpha (flutter eyelashes)

Alpha – Oh hey, give me attention, yeah, I love it.

You – Yeah sure here is some…….. (turning away from him and talking to somebody else)

Alpha – WTF just happened? I need her attention

At this point he comes and does his whole dog and pony show, usually girls will fall at his feet for this and he can return to what he was doing knowing that he could have you if he wanted you.


You – Is that all you have to offer? Lets get real here, what do you like about me?

This accomplishes two things, first it puts a stop to your reacting to him, he is now reacting to you no matter what he says. He can either laugh it off, in which case he is being defensive and you are on the right track, or get serious and answer the question. In which case he is already yours. He will basically give you a list of compliments, but do not lap them up and be like “oh alpha I luv you, you have said nice things about me, lets cuddle” Instead say a simple “Thank you”.

Carry on in this vein until you make a real connection (after all, you don’t want him just so you can show him off, there needs to be a real connection)

This works for one reason and one reason only, he is not used to it and he is reacting to you (by chasing you), he is not used to this so will be yours for the taking.

…Keeping Him?!

This is the hard part, in a long term relationship, using games to manipulate the situation is a death sentence, it may work for a while and paper over some cracks but in the long term it will kill anything real that you have together.

Now in my experience the worst thing that women can do is try to be possessive of me. As soon as I am told by my girlfriend “don’t do that with her” or even the more subtle “are you seeing _____ again?” it is the beginning of the end, as soon as jealousy starts to creep in, the thing is dead in the water.

Here you need to chill out, don’t just pretend to, you need to actually be fine with him hanging out with other attractive women, remember that true alpha males don’t cheat because they have options and don’t need to validate themselves with sex or attention when in a relationship.

Keep challenging him, do not settle into a rhythm of getting into your pj’s, eating pizza and watching glee. If you didn’t do that at first then there is no reason to settle into it when you get into the relationship.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you to keep an alpha male once you have him is to not change. Keep having fun, keep adding valuable experiences to each other’s life and do not take him for granted.

Dan Ray

Your Comments

4 Comments so far

  1. shideh_sedaghati says:

    I think that I am addicted to an alpha man.
    like you said in your article, I don’t even know why.
    is there any way to turn the table on him? please help.

  2. janele_frederick says:

    i was in a 2year relationship with an alpha male ( or so I think) for 2 years. I kept pressing the issue of commitment because he talked to so many women. We had a cell phone on my line he would text, call, get nude pics & tell other women he loved them through text. But yet keep stressing that he loved me so much. He would call me all day & night. we would spend everyday together. Now when we didnt he would get jealous and think i was doing something and then brush it off like he didnt care. Is this really an alph male i’m dealing with. He always blamed the issues on me if i looked in his phone & saw something i wasnt suppose to see it was my fault that he was doing what he was doing. I know looking through the phone was wrong but if he keeps telling me he loves me and i like being with him and he’s good with my kids… some point i want him to be faithful. Is this wrong? We have fun together, i love him, he makes me laugh, and he is very smart. On the flip side he is mentally, verbally & physically abusive and everything is my fault. He wants me to get mad at my sister for her being hurt from the abuse that i have suffered & not liking him. I tried to explain if we want to be together we have to make an effort to warm up to the people that the abuse has affected. Am i wrong for thinking like this? I just had hopes of him changing and us working it out. Can i force an alpha male or what ever he is to change? Well anyway we decided to take a break on Jan 28 2012 and i just decided on March 30 to break everything off because he wanted to still have sex with me and entertain other females at the same time while still using my phone, car insurance in my name, and cars in my name. I decided to cut all of that off completely and to stop all communication. I have to see him today to get the rest of my money after that i plan to cut off all communication. Is this what i should be doing? People say i’m crazy for wanting to be with him he isolated me from my family and friends, but i love this man. I tried to get us help together and he refused. Is it even healthy to try to get it back in the right way or just move on?
    Sorry if its to jumbled up my broken heart is typing.
    Thanks for your help…….Ms. J

    • skeelfrog says:

      Hi. I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. It sounds like this guy causes you more pain than good though… I think cutting ties completely is the answer. I don’t think he is going to change, but – if he really loves you and wants you – then, this can be his wake-up call…and, maybe, he will change. The best thing for you is to focus on YOU. You don’t need him…you might want him…but you don’t need him.

  3. l_devil1 says:

    hi im in the same boat as janele_frederick all her words ring out in my ears im still married and he is still in the house my mind is soo confused i need to get out too i think and no they will never change

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